A Love Suicide von TayaTheStrange ================================================================================ Kapitel 1: ----------- A Love Suicide (TonTa Songfiction) Say where is my shame when I call your name "Hyunni, stop!" I feel how your arms capture me from behind. My feet stop moving. Because of fear. I wanted to ran away. I nearly made it. "Don't go. If you go I'll die." You take my hand and guide me back to your apartment. So, please don't set me free I'm as heavy as can be Your grip around my wrist grows more and more firm. I want to break free but you don't let me escape. You drag me through the door and lock it up. I can feel your heavy breath. Your eyes stare at me. "How could you dare to just leave. I forbade you go outside." "Hyung-" "Shut up! I'll have to pay more attention." I will do you harm I will break my arm It hurts so much. I can feel your hits everywhere. There is a taste of blood in my mouth. Please stop! I don’t want that anymore! I don’t want to go back to this room. You’re pulling me to my feet and pushing me through another door. I’m falling into the darkness and landing on the rumpled bed. You’re following me. Your hands push me down to the soft pillows, but it doesn’t feel good. Not anymore. “You have to understand, Hyunni. You belong to me. You’re a part of me. Your pain is my pain.” You draw nearer. I can’t look at you, so I’m closing my eyes. Your lips are brushing over my ear. “We share everything.” I can hear you whisper. Then your teeth dig into my skin. It hurts so much. I’m a victim of your charms Your warm hands explore my body. You often said that you love my scent...my voice when I’m screaming for you. You said you can see nothing but me and that you can only think about me. While you’re ripping my clothes off and tying my hands, I’m wondering if that is the reason why you’re locking me up inside this small room. In a world where I can’t even see the sunlight because you blinded the windows. The longer I have to stay in here the more I fear that I will never see the sun again. I want to be dead When I...I lament Most of the time I don’t know if it is day or night. Not even when you’re asleep, lying next to me. Nothing is sure. I only know one thing: You’re crying. When you’re asleep you’re crying. Sometimes I can hear it but often you’re silent. I see your tears and am not able to understand them. Shouldn’t I be the one crying? Why is it you? Do you regret what you’re doing to me? Are you regretting it in your dreams? I’d like to see them. Your dreams. Maybe I would be able to cry again and show you my pain. But I lost my tears a long time ago... I can be so mean You can beat me Sometimes it seems like you want me to fight back. Do you want me to resist? You’re standing in front of me and staring at me. The words that are coming from your mouth pierce me like nails. But you’re not moving. Are you waiting? Maybe you’re thinking your words would enrage me. But they don’t. They paralyze me. Your love paralyzes me. I could never…never hurt you. I would like to shame you I would like to blame you Your love that was so sweet has changed. Every time you’re showing it to me the taste becomes more bitter. The heat that’s spreading in me humiliates me. Since the passion had disappeared I’m aware of the things we’re doing. I’m ashamed. I can’t look at myself anymore. When I’m seeing the marks that you’re leaving on my skin I want to be dead. “It’s really hard for me to love you. You’re forcing me to do things that I never wanted to do. Hyunni…you’re forcing me to sin. I have to punish you because you’re the biggest sin of all. I do love you, though. You should be thankful.” The door closes. You leave me alone with those words. Hyung, I’m thankful. For the darkness that hides a sinful kid like me. I’m really thankful. Just because of my love to you Our love is special, isn’t it? We were really happy together. A love that is perfect and inseparable. A love that’s able to last the rest of my live. Was that your wish too? Or was it to much? Did you fear I could leave you? You’re believing that you can control it. But that isn’t true. You have already lost control. And love itself is just as innocent as roses in may I know nothing can drive it away The day of our first meeting was a warm day in spring. It happened some years ago, but I remember everything very well. I remember your face between the roses. You were watching me, who sat on the soft grass and enjoying the sunshine. Until now I don't know how long you've been watching me until I noticed you. There was a glow in your eyes. You couldn't turn your gaze away. Back than I promised you something. A promise I never wanted to break. Though love itself is just as brief as a candle in the wind But it's greedy just like sin The bound between us was strong. Since the first heartbeat we shared. You felt it too, didn't you? Why did your brown eyes sparkle so much? Hyung, was I pretty? Back than? Was I beautiful? Was this the only reason? I gave my promise because I loved everything about you. Without knowing why. I couldn't hold back. I had to say it. “I am yours...” Hyung, you had been very happy about my words. If you loved me that much, why did you do everything to make me regret them? You turned this promise to my first sin. I should hate you but... I can't. Alone but sane I am a love suicide Even if you're with me you don't see me. You don't hear my painful screams. My entreaty don't get through to you. Maybe your mind's in our past. When everything was good and peaceful. Are you still fooling yourself? Do you really believe that it should be how it is now? When I once asked you if you'd die for me you said 'yes'. Did you mean it? Would you really die if you knew that I'd be finally free? That maybe I'd be happy? But your death would be senseless. Without you I'd be alone. The touch of your hand is the only thing I still know. I've forgotten who I was. If you wouldn't come back to me I would have only one choice. I'd have to follow you. 'Cause love itself is just as brief as a candle in the wind It is pure white just like sin I'm sure that you still love me. Even if this love seems to have disappeared...seems to be destroyed, I know it is deep inside you. Buried under greed and fear. Feelings that I didn't know until you brought me to your world. Even myself is filled with greed. I am greedy for freedom. A kind of freedom for the both of us to live in...together. There should be a place for us. Singly for us. “Hyunni, what are you doing there? Why did you open the window?” You come near me, unsure what to do. You don't know what I'm planing. I had this kind of feeling many times. “Hyunni, listen to me! I forbade you to open the windows!” I hear the anger in your voice. Are you scared? Are you worried? I don't react and sit down on the windowsill. At least this is the only thing I can do for us. “Hyung, the sun is shining as bright as back than. Do you see it?” “The sun isn't shining. It's raining, Hyunni!” “No! It's shining...all warm. I want to take a walk. But I don't want to walk alone. Do you want to come with me...Hyung?” Yeah, let's take a last walk together. Like that past day when the sun was shining down on me. Alone between roses. “Hyunni!!!” Alone but sane I am a love suicide Like me you knew what you had to do. I hadn't doubted that for a second. You followed me. ...I have found it. The place singly for us. I wanted to show you this. Here, there is no one who could take me away from you. Here, worries don't exist. You can calm down and gently hold my hand. It won't disappear. A love itself is just as innocent as roses in may It is pure white just like sin Between those roses our names will be written on white stone. Together forever. Nobody will learn about our sin. An innocent love for all eternity. Isn't it beautiful? The end of a love suicide... Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)